The house is often the most valuable asset a couple owns. Not only is it valuable monetarily, it’s also filled to the brim with value in memories. Parting with a family home is not always easy, and it can become a huge source of contention when a couple divorces and has to decide (or have the courts decide for them) who gets the house.

Who Decides?

Each divorce case is different. In some divorces, the spouses are able to decide outside of court who will keep the house (often with the help of a divorce attorney). However, sometimes both parties are unable to reach an agreement, and a judge will make the decision. If you have children, the judge will likely rule that the parent with child custody will get to keep the house. In a divorce, children do better when they can stay in their home, attend the same school, and keep the same friends.

Distributive Shares

A judge may award a share of the house to both spouses. In this case, both spouses have rights to the home and these rights can be distributed in different ways. The judge may order one spouse “buy out” the other spouse. The spouses may be required to sell the home and share the profits in a way specified by the judge. One spouse may be awarded the home, while the other spouse is awarded additional assets to offset the value of the home.

A judge can also order for a deferred distribution, meaning one spouse can remain in the home until the youngest child reaches 18. At that point, the home will be sold and the proceeds divided. Deferred distribution can also happen when the housing market is slow. The divorced spouses will put it on the market at a later time.

How to Decide if You Really Want the House

Be careful when deciding if it’s worth it to fight for the house. Try to think from a logical standpoint about what would be best for you and your children.

• Finances: Can you really afford to keep the house after the divorce? Keep in mind that your lifestyle is going to change. If both partners were working and sharing money and bills while married, you will lose that extra cushion of money and help. Regardless of employment status of each party, you may end up paying child support or alimony. You may receive child support or alimony, but not enough to keep up your current lifestyle.  Keep all of this in mind as you decide if keeping your house is worth it, and don’t forget to consider costs like taxes and maintenance.
• Your Kids: Where have your kids grown up? Who will get child custody? It’s often better for kids to remain in the same home after a divorce (if possible), as this disrupts their lives in fewer ways.
• Your Emotions: Was this your dream home? Did you put a lot of work into it? Did you host Thanksgiving every year in your dining room? These memories are very important, and they make a home priceless to many people. It can be hard to part with something so special and central in your life. It’s perfectly fine to feel attached emotionally to your home, but make sure it also makes logical sense to stay in your home.

Don’t fight for the home just to be vindictive. Think of the long run for both you and your spouse — and especially your children. Be wise when deciding if you want to fight for the house. Sometimes the fight is worth it, and other times it’s better to just walk away.