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8 Reasons To Divorce Your House

Written by Jaymi Naciri on Wednesday, 24 September 2014 1:28 pm
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You've been loyal. You've been true. You've given it all you have. But now, the house you have committed yourself to just isn't doing it for you anymore. Perhaps it's time to throw in the towel. Give it the old heave-ho. Call it quits.

How do you know when it's really over?

"A home must be elastic. It must give, expand and contract, while helping you hold it all together. And when it no longer does, it may need to go," said the News & Observer. "A home's job is to support those who live there, not enslave them. When where you live weighs you down like a boulder, it's time to roll that stone."

Here are 8 reasons to divorce your house right now.

1. It doesn't help with the housework.

How are you supposed to keep the yard looking nice when the massive shade trees are starving the lawn? Or the two-story stone fireplace that used to be white is now more of a yellowy-beige?

Your house should be helping you out instead of making it more difficult.

2. It's in need of a makeover.

Broken down, randomly working dishwasher. Sticking doors. Warping floors. Sometimes it seems like the walls are actually rejecting paint. Is that even possible?

3. No matter how much you do for it, it's never enough.

As soon as you fix one thing, another one breaks. It's like it's trying to tell you something (It is; it's telling you to move!).

4. It doesn't make you feel sexy.

The shower water smells like dirt and it gets so humid in the bathroom it takes 30 minutes to clear the mirror. Even if you were feeling flirty, you couldn't get a good glance at yourself to make sure everything looks like it should.

Plus, you smell like mud, and that's a definite mood-killer.

5. It talks back.

If pipes that are way overdue to be replaced make embarrassing noises any time you flush or wash, you've got a back talker. And that's no good.

6. It's disrespectful.

The light in the living room flickers for no reason, no matter how many new bulbs you give it. Has it occurred to you it's just trying to get a look up your skirt?

7. All it does is sit around.

Those other houses do stuff. They turn on and off lights. They help you set the air conditioning. Considering it takes four hard slaps on the wall and a good stomp on the floor by the air conditioning unit just to make it pop on, this kind of upgrade may be out of the question. Or at least out of your budget.

8. You're drawn to another.

You're not a cheater. But you find yourself, well, looking at others lately. Driving down other streets and maybe lingering a little too long. Thinking about what life would be like if you lived there.

Maybe the grass really is greener.

And maybe your house would appreciate someone who appreciates it. Maybe it's just not that into you.

So cut it loose. Set it free. Set yourself free. Divorce that house. Your castle awaits.

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2 comments

  • Comment Link Brenda Mannino Friday, 26 September 2014 9:03 pm posted by Brenda Mannino

    If a house has all that wrong with it how are you going to sell it ? If you don't like it for all of those reasons a buyer will feel the same !

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  • Comment Link Rochelle M Venckus Thursday, 25 September 2014 12:49 pm posted by Rochelle M Venckus

    Its a funny article, but sounds like a lot of potential inspection red flags to me. Determine current market value, if possible correct major systems issues, once you have fixed the things driving you crazy, re-evaluate your motives and either stay or sell. It will make the change easier.

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