Many people believe the federal government is in the toilet. Has been for quite some time. But now Rep. Joseph Knollenberg, R-Mich., is pushing legislation to get Uncle Sam out of the tank. Our tanks. Our toilet tanks.

In fact, Knollenberg staffer Paul Welday says there's a "real movement" -- no pun intended -- sweeping America. The government, Welday said the other day from the home office in Farmington Hills on Detroit's west side, "doesn't have any business in anyone's bathroom."

Specifically, the fourth-term Congressman from Michigan's 11th District wants to repeal the federal mandate that requires toilets manufactured in the United States to use 1.6 gallons of water per flush. And he's been joined by nearly 100 of his colleagues who say that isn't enough to get the job done.

The low-flow edict went into effect in 1992. Prior to that, 3.5 gallons was good enough. After all, pre-1970 toilets used 4 to 6 gallons per flush. But in the interest of even greater conservation, Congress passed the Energy Policy Act that imposed restrictions on the amount of water used in toilets. The law also imposed a 2.5-gallon per limit minute on shower heads, a change that many localities had already instituted.

Nobody has complained about that limitation on showers. But boy, have they screamed about low-flow toilets. Rep. Knollenberg alone has received "thousands" of calls, letters and faxes from irate individuals who say their johns just don't work and that they have to flush two or three times to empty their bowls.

Many of the messages he's received were written on toilet paper, says the good Congressman, who confesses to having a couple balky toilets of his own that he tries not to use. Indeed, during a hearing earlier this summer on the proposed Plumbing Standards Improvement Act of 1999, Rep. Richard Burr, R.-N.C., read his statement from a roll of Charmin.

Ah, but every sheet of paper, even toilet paper, has two sides. And in this case, plumbing manufacturers say the legislation is unnecessary because, while their firstrun at low-flow toilets might have left something not to be desired, the latest models are as good as their high-flow forbearers. To go backwards, they say, would -- well -- be going backwards.

But Rep. Knollenberg doesn't want to outlaw low-flows. Rather, he just wants to "heed the call of suffering Americans" by giving consumers a choice. If some want "tiny toilets," fine, let them have them. But if others want a bigger splash, he believes they shouldn't have to cross the border to Mexico or Canada to buy them on the black market.

Might Thomas Crapper, who invented the toilet and was eventually knighted for his creation, be turning in his grave?

Just in case you're wondering, here are the latest toilet stats:

• The typical new home has 2.5 commodes, according to the National Association of Home Builders.
• Flushing accounts for about 40 percent of our at-home water usage, says the Plumbing-Heating-Cooling Contractors.
• A toilet is flushed an average of 5 times a day, says the American Water Works Association.
• Low-flow toilets and other water-saving devices can trim water use by some 30 percent in single-family homes, from 74 gallons per person to 52 gallons, according to makers of plumbing fixtures. That translates into an annual savings on water bills of $50-$100.
• According to American Standard, which surveyed 800 people earlier this year, we spend an average of 35 minutes a day in the bathroom. Men and women tend to spend the same amount of time in the restroom, but 18 to 24-year-olds spend 60 minutes or more.
• We spend the most time in the lavatory on Saturday, followed by Sunday and Monday. We take the least time in the can on Thursday. And last and certainly least, our favorite activity is taking a hot bath. Less than half of us read a newspaper in the john.

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