For years, we have been bombarded by courses that teach us how to be "killer" salespeople, how to "always be closing," and how to "hypnotize" people into buying. But is this really what it's all about? Is it all nothing but a numbers game? Do we live only for the signature on the purchase agreement?

No, it's about a lot more than that. The world's best salesperson uses none of the smarmy techniques you'll find on CD and DVD programs with lists of "objection handlers," prospecting tricks, and closing scripts. Instead, the world's best salesperson creates and maintains -- relationships!

These successful salespeople are masters of listening, psychology, and communication. They know how to dig deep, uncover people's fears and frustrations, and truly befriend them to help them make the best decisions.

But not everybody knows how to do this.

When I do role playing with clients, I'm always amazed at how much they don't really hear what I'm saying. Or they miss the hidden nuances of my tone.

For example, when someone says "I don't really like it," can you tell me what they mean? No, you can't. Because you're seeing it in an e-mail report and you can't hear the tone. The same phrase, "I don't really like it," could have six different meanings depending on the way it's said.

Many agents still take "I don't really like it" as "I don't really like it." But what the client may actually be saying is, "I don't really like it IF I have to pay this much for it." Or, "I don't really like it if I have to give up that for it." Or, "I don't really like it unless I could get that with it."

By becoming an expert on reading people's voice tones, you can bypass this mistake and really "hear" what people are saying. Is their tone happy? Is it neutral? A bit sarcastic? Confrontational? Angry?

I remember the day that I realized how easy it is to build a great relationship with my clients. I put all the traditional "sales" techniques aside and just began to listen to people. I put myself in their shoes and asked, "What would I do if I were them? As them, what potential mistakes am I making?"

This mode of thinking set me free from the pressure of always having to be "closing." And ironically, my sales figures started to climb dramatically once I fully adopted this approach.

Recently, I met with a well-known local builder. I had the opportunity to walk around with an agent who was accompanying a potential buyer at three of his properties. This allowed me the opportunity to hear their conversation as she attempted to "sell."

I was shocked at her lack of listening skills. What the builder was saying to the agent was, "These are really nice houses but I'm really not impressed with the properties. We have animals. We have kids. Where are the kids going to play?"

The client never actually came out directly with these statements, but I heard them anyway. It was all in the voice tone, body language, and facial expressions.

But the agent completely missed all this. She spent all her time focusing on the quality of the construction, the kitchen cabinets, and the beautiful flooring. It took all of my energy to not drop in by taking her aside and saying, "Get these people out of this subdivision! They don't want to live here. They can't live here. This does not match their needs at all."

She would have been a better agent by addressing their concerns upfront. She could have said:

"Here's the challenge. Every single home in this subdivision is on a small lot. The rooms and hallways aren't the biggest you may find, so these are considerations for your kids and pets. Would this stop you from buying here?"

If they had said "yes", then she would have just saved time and hassle. She would have truly gotten to know them. Instead of trying to "close the sale" on a home that's just not right for them, she would have bonded with them by seeing things through their eyes, and then they would have liked and respected her more.

Then she could have said, "Let's not waste any more time here. They're beautiful homes, but they're not right for you. Let's go find some that are."

Have an opinion. Give some advice. Demonstrate leadership to your clients. Always address the issue, even if it's an issue they haven't expressed directly. If you're doing nothing more than pushing a certain property "at" people, then you have not provided a great experience.

Experiential selling is truly fulfilling the need of your client -- even though they may not know they need it.

It's the same when you're out looking at clothing in a store. I'm sure you've had a salesperson who has told you "That looks great on you!" when you know it's not a good fit at all. Your trust in this person is totally destroyed.

Start listening to the words behind the words. Confront the truth. People want honesty. They'll trust an agent who grabs the bull by the horns and says, "This home is NOT right for you."

Not sure if you know how to listen? Sit down with another agent and do some role playing. Play with words and alternate the tones. Try to figure out what the other agent is truly telling you by voice tone, body language, and facial expressions.

By mastering the art of client relationships, you'll never have to "sell" again.

Got questions? I love questions. Ask me anything. Just drop an e-mail to and I'll do my best to help you with whatever challenge you're currently facing.