"Dear Jennifer,

I've been reading your blogs about SOI and my heart is sinking. I think I've blown it with my Sphere of Influence by constantly asking them for business and referrals. Is there a way I can redeem myself with my friends, or do I have to go make all new ones? Bill"

I get this question a lot! Mostly from new or newer agents who have been brainwashed into believing that an SOI (Sphere of Influence) business model means that they're supposed to drive their friends nutso with constant reminders of their love for referrals. Most tell me that:

1. they felt it was wrong, but were convinced to do it anyway, and/or

2. they've felt their friends pull away and suspect they're avoiding the agent's calls.

Oops. Not at all good for business OR your social life!

Here's what I tell these distressed agents.

There are a couple of things they can do. If it suits their personality, they can address it head-on with an apology letter - very sincere, not too sappy, but friendly & apologetic, with a "let's move on" tone. I'm not convinced this is the best line of attack, but it might be effective if done well.

Of course, then the agent needs to follow it up with action - he needs to BE a non-referral-begging friend who happens to be a real estate agent. Coffee dates, casual emails, dinner parties - whatever socializing feels comfortable with the various members of his SOI. Oh, and he doesn't mention his real estate career unless it's appropriate, but strives to come across as a happy, enthusiastic, reliable, dependable, generally cool person who is probably a fabulous real estate agent, as well.

If the apology letter doesn't feel right, then he can just make a concerted effort to reconnect with his SOI, as above, and if the opportunity arises and it feels appropriate, give a little apology in person.

The other thing he can do is strive to build his SOI by meeting new people and NEVER breathing a hint of referral-begging with them. He can meet new people thru his existing SOI and by being out there in the world with his antenna up. I consider my SOI strategy to be about meeting people THRU my SOI, not necessarily generating business directly from the people I know.

Of course, the best approach is to not annoy one's friends in the first place, so that there's no need for apologies or redeeming one's dignity after the fact!