The days of pearl-donning June Cleavers who smile as they vacuum are over ... or did such domestic goddesses ever exist? The chances are slim, but nevertheless, studies and surveys continue to indicate that despite the fact that dual-income couples are the rule and no longer the exception, wives continue to bear the brunt of household chores. But let's widen the net a little here. Families come in all shapes and sizes these days, and you'll be hard pressed to find one exclusively comprised of "neatnicks." Kudos to the couples who have successfully negotiated a more equitable division -- and certainly, there are plenty of them. But in just as many households, the lucky recipient of the lion's share of the household chores silently stews or occasionally erupts on deaf ears. How can you shift the domestic tides without causing World War III in your home?

If you're a parent, think one word: bribery. OK, maybe not bribery, per se, but you've got to offer some incentive. Contrary to what you might wish, there's nothing inherently rewarding in weeding the front yard on a July afternoon or cleaning the guest bathroom. So don't blame your kids if they greet your proposal to engage in some household chores with a scowl. The best approach is to make it a team effort. Designate a day for "spring cleaning" (or summer cleaning, since there's no time like the present). Assign every family member a specific duty or duties for the afternoon. You might even consider creating a list to make it official. Their participation isn't an option; that's not up for discussion. However, you can make it fun with a little creativity. After a brief breakfast, everyone begins their first job at 9 a.m. Play your kids' favorite music as everyone works. Sing. Act goofy. Have fun while you scrub. When everyone has completed their first job to your satisfaction, make lunch fun -- order in pizza, and enjoy yourselves for an hour. Then get back to work until the work's done, or until you've reached the time set by you and your spouse. Reward everyone's hard work with a movie and/or dinner out.

A few other tips for parents: Practice what you preach. If your kids see you working hard not only at household chores but also in everything you do, they'll remember and often approach their own responsibilities with the same perseverance. Resist the urge to leap in and correct them if the job's not done perfectly. If they've demonstrated genuine effort, praise them wholeheartedly.

Respect your children, and involve them in the decision-making process behind who does which chores. For the sake of equity, rotate those assigned chores every so often; friction among siblings could result otherwise.

Remember that it's going to take time to teach your children the tasks you and your spouse -- or you alone -- have been doing for years. Remain patient, and allocate the appropriate time it's going to take to instruct them. Again, don't expect perfection. If you've got very young children, you might ask them to help you measure ingredients while cooking, make their beds, pick up their toys, etc. You'll quickly be able to determine what they can and cannot handle.

Lay on the praise and your gratitude. Regardless of whether or not the windows sparkle or the kitchen floor looks spotless, be generous with your hugs. If your children have consistently done a good job, surprise them with a trip out for ice cream or some other small token that shows them you recognize and appreciate their hard work. Your praise reinforces your children's sense of competency. The bottom line is that you're giving them positive reinforcement that will motivate them to keep helping out at home.

In a fascinating yet hardly surprising survey of 5,848 men and 10,293 women conducted by MSNBC revealed that 60 percent of the women did "most of the grocery shopping" for their families, as opposed to 20 percent of the men. Thirty-one percent of the men said that their spouses did all of the grocery shopping; 6 percent of the women made the same claim. When asked about who was in charge of nightly meal preparation, 23 percent of the women said they cooked dinner seven nights a week; 10 percent of the men said they cooked dinner seven nights a week. Forty-three percent of the women said they cooked dinner four to six times each week, and 21 percent of the men said the same. Forty-eight percent of the men said they had dinner duty one to three times each week, as opposed to 31 percent of the women. Twenty-two percent of men said they never prepared dinner; 4 percent of women said the same.

Respondents also were asked if the chores in their households were performed by just one person or if they were shared. The results were telling: 74 percent of men said the chores were shared; 51 percent of women said chores were shared. Twenty-six percent of men said one person did the housework; 49 percent of the women said the same.

So it appears that our conceptions are different, even when we're living under the same roof. Frequent and open communication is the only route to more equitable household labor division. If you've been doing more than your fair share and you're feeling overwhelmed, stress that more equitable division will allow you to spend more time with your spouse -- and generally make you a more pleasant person. All of this assumes, of course, that your spouse is agreeable. And certainly, many spouses will not be agreeable to the idea of taking on more chores. If that's the case, you've got a long road ahead of you. Your last resort: Hire outside help, if you can afford it. Even if you treat yourself and your family to an occasional one-hour crash-cleaning session by a professional service provider, that can help lighten the load throughout the rest of the week and open up time for other, more enriching activities -- particularly time spent with your family.

Today's families -- whether dual-income or not -- are strapped for time. Agree that everyone chips in equally, and relish an acceptable amount of domestic disorder -- a sink of dirty dishes put on hold while you catch a matinee or go for a walk. Regardless of how determined your family's household efforts are, resign yourself to something short of perfection. Distressing from the daily grind is imperative, and if dusty furniture or a pile of dirty laundry is the price you pay for an afternoon out with your spouse or family, so be it.

Published: June 16, 1999

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Editor's Note: This article reflects the opinions of Courtney Ronan only and not necessarily the views of this or any other publication, organization or Website owner.