“ We’ve decided we’re not going to list our home with you. We went with the other company...”

“After all of this time working with you, you’ll never believe what has happened. We took a ride yesterday and saw a FSBO. They were home, so we took a look. We fell madly in love and bought it…”

“Thanks for taking us out these past thirty-three weekends. We can’t tell you how much we have appreciated your help. However, we just can’t seem to make a decision. We need some more time, and we’ll call you…”

If any or all of these lines are familiar to you, then you probably are a real estate agent. No, make that a frustrated real estate agent. Nothing is more maddening than being rejected after working so long and hard to put a transaction together. (Well, maybe having poison ivy from head to foot.)

However, the minute we let the rejection control us, we’re beaten. That’s not to say we are not entitled to the frustration and feelings of disappointment and perhaps outright anger. After all, we are a sensitive, people-loving lot destined to give more then we get…

Yet, I have to acknowledge that I am a recovering agent. During my selling days I’ll admit to having had this fantasy from time-to-time. Picture this. After six-months of working with a lovely young first-time-buyer couple, they pull the rug out from under me and buy the FSBO. Sadly for them, they tell me this on the same day that three other people reject me for other reasons. It is the proverbial straw that breaks the agent’s back.

In a fit of uncontrollable rage, I throw my 8-lb. MLS book through their car windshield. (Steady yourself. Remember, this is a fantasy.)

Of course I am arrested and hauled off to jail. I plead not guilty by reason of temporary insanity and request a jury trial. The whole jury is made up of real estate agents. When they hear what happened, they unanimously shout “NOT GUILTY” without even leaving the courtroom! In addition, they fine the jerks $5000 for cruel and unusual punishment. It’s awesome.

I would recommend creating a fantasy of your own to deal with some of the frustration you feel when hit with similar disappointments. I would also recommend a few of the following:

Affirmations

These are first-person statements that help you to create a visual picture of what an ideal situation would look like for you. The idea being that what you can conceive you can achieve.

Example: “I am a successful, in-control agent able to generate leads and prospects when I need to.”

Mentors/Mentor Groups

If you don’t have one or are not in one, change that today. There is nothing more powerful than the support of a person or persons you trust and respect. When you are down, they are there to remind you that this too will pass, how great you are and get you back in the race, fast.

Too much self-indulgent pity only makes things worse.

Treat Yourself To Something That You Love

I find that reading helps to calm me down and refocus the negative energy into something that gives me pleasure. For some a long walk does it. For others it’s a hot bath or a trip to the gym. Agent know thyself. It’s not a sign of weakness to know when to take a break. It’s a sign of a person who understands that we all have a point at which we have to remove ourselves and regroup. How healthy is that?

I am blessed to be around real estate agents nearly every working day of my life. If I am not in front of a classroom full of agents, I am on the phone with one. Take this to the bank. We are givers and too often put ourselves last. Our business is one in which rejection is as prevalent as food. Learning coping methods allows us to do what we do best. Help people’s dreams to come true!

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Published: February 11, 2000

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Marylyn B. Schwartz, CSP, is a noted expert in real estate and corporate sales training, team development, customer care and diversity issues. She is president of TEAMWEAVERS and a trainer for Leader's Choice, the number one real estate sales training program in North America. Marylyn is also an author and Business/Life Coach. Contact her at , or visit her website at teamweavers.com.