You've been putting it off for weeks. You thought you could avoid it. The mere thought of it makes you uncomfortable. But then he stepped over the line, and you could no longer avoid the inevitable: the big talk. No, not the birds and the bees. I'm talking about the all-important discussion between you and your new roommate. You should have had this talk before you even signed the lease or moved your belongings into your new place, but the apartment was too good to be true, and when you saw the view from the living room, the two of you threw all caution to the wind and pledged to be perfect roomies.

Then you arrived home one night during your first week of roomies' paradise to discover a pile of wet towels on the bathroom floor and Spike, the bulldog your roommate forgot to mention ... the bulldog who hasn't exactly been housetrained yet.

So before this scenario becomes your reality, sit down with your prospective roommate, and draw up the ground rules. It doesn't matter if you've been friends for years or if you've just met. Even the best of friends can become raging enemies after a few months of communal living. In fact, sometimes it's even better to "go potluck" because there's not as much invested in your relationship as roommates. If it doesn't work out, you'll both move on, and probably without hurt feelings. Regardless of how long you've known your roommate, however, your living arrangement will have the best odds of working out if you communicate early and often.

You can't expect your roommate to be your clone, of course. It's inevitable that one of you will be an early riser, and the other one won't. One of you might enjoy socializing into the wee hours of the morning and coming home at dawn, just before the other one wakes up after a good night's sleep. It's when the night owl brings home his fellow partygoers that the line is crossed. Even if you can't predict your roommate ever doing such a thing, you must discuss these topics -- and more -- if you want to avoid tension within your 800 square-foot living space.

Before you head to the department store and pick out your curtains or plan your housewarming party, sit down (over lunch, perhaps, to make the conversation a bit lighter) and ask each other the following questions:

Consumption of substances

Published: March 9, 2000

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