Our words can empower us and empower others, or have the opposite effect. Do your words create a reality where you are the best that you can be and do they make others feel appreciated and acknowledged? Is that an example of how you talk to yourself:“I’m a great negotiator and able to bring people together in a win/win with most every contract.”? Are these examples of what you say to others: “You deserve a house this beautiful.” “You are a wonderfully flexible and easy person to work with.”?

Does that gremlin voice whisper constantly in your head about what you can and can’t do? About what you should and shouldn’t do? About how smart and capable you are? Or about how smart and capable others are? Or Aren’t? I call it a gremlin because it tends to pop in with it’s opinion and is very adamant about it being the TRUTH! Doesn’t seem though to be connected all the time to reality, but it is distracting, none the less. You know the voice I am talking about? What messages does your gremlin give you?

A lot of the information that gremlin voice tries to lay on me is past judgments from others. My mom always told me I could do anything, told me to take risks, asking what have you got to lose and telling me not to be like anyone else. Those messages when the gremlin reminds me of them have taken me to some pretty wonderful places. The gremlin is not bad, you can see, but it is automatic and without thought of anything EXCEPT the PAST! Then there is the voice that tries to convince me I really don’t fit in, that I am certainly not perfect and if I had done things better, my children would probably be happier. Where’d I get those messages? I’m not sure, but with years of therapy could probably figure it out.

But I am not interested in going there. What I am interested in, is allowing the gremlin to warn me when I am about to get myself in trouble, but also being able to just thank my gremlin for sharing and then making up the TRUTH that is going to empower me and take me where I want to go. It’s got me thinking about how powerful words are: the words we say to others, the words we say to ourselves all shape experience.

1. Speaking To Others

Your words have the ability to soothe others or hurt them. To build someone up or tear them down. To expand the future for someone or diminish it. They can be a sword or a valentine. Witholding them can injure you and others and expressing them can bring a warm and wonderful feeling alive where none was present before the words were spoken.

COACHES TIP: Watch for the next 24 hours what impact you create with your words have. Do you take every opportunity to speak your gratitude to people, instead of just thinking it and assuming they know? Do you take time to build others, noticing and pointing out their strengths? Do you express your feelings and give others the gift of your intimacy? At any moment you have the ability to change another’s experience by the gift of your words. Are you unconditionally constructive with everything you say? What would it take to do that?

2. Internal Words

The power that our words have with others is amplified in how we speak to ourselves. And our subconscious listens to get it’s programming from what we say. I caught myself on the tennis court after a bad shot, saying, “you always hit the ball into the net like that, Joeann.” Whoops, I thought I bet those kind of messages do damage to my tennis game. So now I say, “Josh, that’s not how you know how to hit that ball!” It’s easy, though to berate ourselves. First, many of us have been told not to boast or be proud. We are not comfortable speaking and sharing our accomplishments. Secondly, the gremlin voice is usually ready and waiting with some gem someone said long ago to berate us and we stored it and repeat it when things don’t go well, continuing to program our subconscious that we are incompetent, etc.

COACHES TIP: For the next 24 hours, notice each time you think or speak negatively about yourself. IMMEDIATELY, reframe and direct the comment into a positive one. Decide to bring this awareness to every day.

3. Affirmations And Shifts

It is often helpful to stop and think about what vision we have for our relationships and ourselves with others. So much of our communicating is of the knee-jerk, reactive type and not designed to build others up or ourselves. And, remember, building others up doesn’t mean diminishing yourself. Be careful also of trying to force yourself to be someone you are not. This isn’t about who you “should” be or what you need to get better at, but it is about your true passion. Picasso wouldn’t focus on he wasn’t a great musician and needed to be more like Mozart…he would drop the fix the weakness thing and revel in his strengths and natural brilliance! Appreciate and let out who you ALREADY are!

COACHES TIP: Make two lists for yourself. The first is “What I want for others”. This would be how others feel from having been around you. For instance, What I want for others is to be more in touch with their magnificence. The second list is who you know yourself to be at your very best. For instance, I am someone who is focused and produces extraordinary results, joyfully with no struggle.

Then read your lists at least once a day. Or better yet, tape them and play them while you are in your car. Feel free to change as you fully internalize and begin to have no doubts about your statements.

Words are what we create our world with. What reality do you want to live in?

Published: May 19, 2000

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Joeann Fossland ePRO, GRI, MCC, PMN, SRS is a dynamic speaker and business coach. Co-creator of THE REAL ESTATE GAME® and NoBloggerLeftBehind.com, she provides coaching solutions to enhance your effectiveness and life balance. You can subscribe to her free weekly tips, attend free monthly tele-seminars, and find out about classes delivered by email and personal coaching by visiting Joeann.com or email her at .