Ever wonder why you and a particular client didn't connect? Do certain client types drive you crazy, but you just don't know why? The answer may be in recognizing whether you (and your clients) are visual (V), auditory (A), or kinesthetic (K). Psychologists have demonstrated we use all three modalities (sight, hearing, and touch) when we process information, but usually one modality (sense) is dominant.

For those who are visual, how things "look" is most important. You can recognize a visual by their quick rate of speech and their attention to being "color coordinated." In contrast, an "auditory" individual is concerned about "how things sound." You can recognize an "auditory" individual primarily by how they use their voice—they often sound like a radio disc jockey or are "dramatic" in their style of speaking. Kinesthetics place great emphasis on how things "feel" as opposed to how they look. Their speech patterns are slow and deliberate. From their viewpoint, why would a woman make herself miserable in high heels when Birkenstocks are so much more comfortable?

Why is it important to know these stylistic differences? When there is a "mismatch" in styles, distrust is created and you no longer operate at peak effectiveness. For example, a "fast-talking visual" will absolutely go bonkers working with a "slow-moving, slow talking, thoughtful kinesthetic" who cannot articulate what doesn't look right about the property. The kinesthetic keeps saying, "it just doesn't feel right." The visual just doesn't understand what "doesn't feel right" because it's such a "great looking property". In the meantime, the kinesthetic individual doesn't "trust" the visual because the visual's rate of speech "pushes" the kinesthetic to process information faster than normal. Because most kinesthetics need time to think things through, the perceived "pushiness" often results in the kinesthetic client seeking different representation.

A visual agent who calls an auditory client about a great looking contemporary with a breath-taking view will probably receive a lukewarm response. The same is true of the kinesthetic who is excited about the warm and cozy home with all these great little nooks and crannies. In contrast, an agent who tells an auditory client how the agents in his office are talking about what a great buy this quiet property is and how his friends will be talking about what terrific property he brought, will probably have a highly client motivated client.

Not certain of your style? Have a friend ask you spell a long word and tell your friend to look carefully at your face as you spell the word, paying special attention to your eyes. If you "look up" when you spell the word, you're visual. If your eyes stay still or move from side-to-side at ear level, you're auditory. If you look down, you're kinesthetic.

Strategies for Building Connection with Your Buyers & Sellers

Interested in improving your sales by making stronger connections with potential customers/clients? Here are the strategies that will let you spot their preferred modality as well as sample phrases to let you "speak their language."

Here are some key words that will let you spot their style:

• V: I see; look; picture; "light & bright;" wants a house with a "view."
• A: I hear; sound; tell; wants a "quiet" location
• K: I feel; warm & cozy; comfortable; "a house that is roomy or homey or has a traditional/contemporary feel."

Here is their preferred communication from their agent:

• V: Face-to-face rather than on the phone; prefer what is written to what is spoken. Don't count on them remembering what you "tell" them. Put it in writing.
• A: Verbal, preferably via telephone. Don't count on them to carefully read written documentation. Make sure you tell them AND put it in writing.
• K: Emphasis is on what is written. Pay special attention to details. Their feelings guide their decision-making. Take time to build trust and rapport.

Their types of comments:

Visual

• "I really liked the way the property looks from the street,"
• "This room looks like it could easily accommodate our grand piano."
• "I could spend hours looking at this wonderful view."

Auditory

• "I hear the market is improving.
• "I would like you to call and tell me about any new listings in my price range."

Kinesthetic

• "I feel the market is improving.
• "Would you let me know about any new listings that you feel might be right for us?"
• "Something about this property just doesn't feel right to me."

Your language when you speak to them:

Visual

• "How does that look to you?"
• "Let's examine each item carefully."
• "Let's see what the numbers look like."

Auditory

• "I heard about a wonderful new listing,"
• "Does that sound okay to you?"
• "What do you say about meeting Friday at 11:00?"
• "How does that interest rate sound to you?"

Kinesthetic

• "I believe that now is a good time to make an offer. How do you feel?"
• "I have a hunch that we might be able to obtain this house for a really good price."
• "This sophisticated security system certainly makes one feel safer."
• "This kitchen feels so warm and homey.

What happens if Bill is visual and Mary is kinesthetic? Try this: "Bill, I can see this is the right house for you and Mary, I have a hunch that you feel that way too."

Published: October 26, 2000

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Bernice L. Ross, Ph.D. operates RealEstateCoach.com, with her husband and co-trainer, Bryon Van Arsdale. A Professor of Psychology at Los Angeles Pierce College, Bernice also is a faculty member at Coach University and holds the designation of Master Certified Coach. She served as Executive Director of Training from 1993-1997 for Prudential Jon Douglas Company, and also pioneered the first real estate/coaching teleclasses for Continuing Education credit in California. E-mail Bernice at bernice@realestatecoach.com.