In many homeowner associations, frustration is lurking just below the surface, waiting to explode into anger. Frustration is the result of unfulfilled expectations. These expectations can be either reasonable or unreasonable, mature or immature. Mature expectations are thoughtful considerations laced by fairness. These folks will generally resolve their issues in a win-win fashion. Immature expectations are out of balanced and summarized by the philosophy we’ll call "MINE!". MINE! thinking generally permeates those who:

1. Park in someone else’s reserved spot:

2. Allow their dog to bark incessantly;

3. Plant in the common area;

4. Generally irritate the neighbors, yet;

5. Don’t believe the rules apply to them, but;

6. Want quick enforcement on others.

While "MINE!ors" aren’t plentiful (thank goodness), they do tend to take a disproportionate amount of time to deal with. And you can’t ignore them because they’ll only throw a bigger fit!

With MINE!ors, there is a parent-child relationship at work and precious little logic behind their actions and anger. MINE! is a territorial imperative...a wall of defense built out of fear. It’s reactionary and intense. For the MINE!or, facts and information are extraneous. When dealing with one, the main response should be reassurance. Responses like "I understand", "We won’t do anything without polling all the owners" and "We are getting expert counsel before we decide" are all calming responses.

There are several other techniques for resolving MINE!or differences:

• Allow the MINE!or to vent without interruption.

• Respond without anger. Don’t fuel the fire.

• Apologize without taking the blame: "I’m sorry you feel that way."

• Empathize: "I’ve felt that way myself."

• Ask questions and solicit solutions.

• If you can resolve the issue, say how and when it will happen.

• Confirm that your solution is acceptable.

• End the conversation cordially and thank them.

• Beat a hasty retreat.

Sometimes, the property manager gets blamed for issues that are rightly the Board’s due to lack of policy and procedure. When that happens, the manager should advise the Board in writing (copy to owner) and ask for a decision at the next Board meeting (or as soon as possible if urgent). Advise the owner of the right to address the Board in person.

A final tip...Some MINE!ors resort to abusive behavior like screaming, swearing and physical violence. MINE!ors often vent during the cocktail hour and tend to disrupt a happy home. Never deal with someone that is clearly out of control. As a general rule, board members should not to take phone calls directly about association business unless it’s an emergency. If you don’t have a manager to intercept such calls, consider getting an association phone line with Caller ID, Voice Mail and Message Notification options. Prescreening the calls will determine whether to respond immediately or later. This process will cool MINE!ors who want response NOW!

Coping with MINE!ors is an infrequent yet demanding task. Ignoring them will only increase their intensity. Be patient...be calm...be consistent. MINE!ors respect a firm yet gentle hand.

For more information on this subject, see www.Regenesis.net.

Published: December 6, 2000

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Richard Thompson owns Regenesis, a management consulting company that specializes in condominium and homeowner associations. He is a nationally recognized expert on HOA management issues. Regenesis publishes The Regenesis Report, a monthly newsletter for HOA boards, developers and managers. To subscribe, go to Regenesis.net. He can be contacted by email at .