Five, four, three, two, one…Happy New Year! It’s hugs and kisses all around and then comes the obligatory resolutions. Lose weight, keep better track of your finances, exercise, drink less, drink more, prospect more, write a business plan…it’s all a matter of perspective.

As a business coach and real estate trainer, I hear about the resolutions as well as the reasons why the makers fail to keep them. Resolutions are not around far beyond the end of the night they were made.

It seems fairly clear to me that there are some common reasons we all make and break promises to ourselves at a much higher rate than we break the promises we make to others. By and large, we are better to others than we are to ourselves.

I believe that some of the reason that is true lies in our culture and the way we look at taking care of ourselves. Perhaps this is less true for the younger generations among us, but certainly for the baby boomers and generations prior, we often view being really good to ourselves as a bit self-centered and narcissistic. We were taught to focus outward and not to dwell on what would make us happy or feel really great. Happiness would come from being selfless and not selfish. Thus, we did not learn how to balance our needs with those of the people around us. This tendency is even more prevalent in women.

Which brings me to the clean slate before us and how we can make commitments that lead us closer to our goals and to keep them so that we may know the joy of achieving a dream. As the saying goes, if you want to find a goal that matters to you, start with a dream and them bring it down into your waking life. Let’s look at ways to find out what you really want and how to achieve it.

Step 1: Ask yourself these challenging questions:

1. If it was a perfect world, what would be in my life this year that is not there now?

2. What opportunities am I missing at this moment?

3. What am I putting up with right now that is holding me back from being all that I can be?

4. Is there a single change that I would like to make or work on now?

5. What must I do to put balance in my life?

The best way to really get down to the nitty-gritty with these questions is to take them one at a time. Allow yourself a quiet half an hour or so, with no interruptions, and write down your thoughts. Free flow your answers and do not be hampered by negative thinking such as, "I could never have that," "I could never do that," "I could never stop that," etc. These answers are for you, and if you can dream it, you can achieve it.

In coaching, we have a term for the answers that we often come up with in questions such as these. The term is tolerations. Tolerations are what my coach, Patti Kaprelian, calls psychic vampires. They rob you of the energy and strength needed to keep your commitments, be good to yourself and achieve the goals that always seem out of reach. It takes great stores of energy to push down your true wants and needs and to put on a face to the world that says, "I’m just fine and dandy."

Now it’s time to do the hard work. You must decide if what you are tolerating is worth giving up and if what you will gain by doing so is worth the effort letting go will require. We are creatures of habit and find comfort in that which is familiar and known. The devil we know is better than the devil we don’t know…However, if your life is not working for you as is, and you are not getting from your business what you want, then you have two choices. Either accept the present situation, stop complaining and living on the outside looking in, or change it.

Change does not have to come in huge gulps. Little bites consume the whole enchilada eventually. Start with:

Step 2: Actions you must take:

1. Realize that it’s a "So what, what now?" attitude that allows us to forgive the past and move on.

2. Decide what it is that you want and adopt a "Be, Do, Have" way of looking at things. Think of yourself as being the person that you want to be, doing the thing(s) that you want to do and having what it is that you want to have as a result. Here’s a multi-million- dollar-producer statement that models the "be, do, have" way of thinking. "I am a highly successful Realtor, earning a one hundred and fifty thousand- dollar income and having the time of my life doing it!"

3. Be honest with yourself and understand that change is difficult. Find a friend or get a coach that will be honest with you and helps you over the tough spots.

4. Understand that the greatest gift that you can give the people that you love is for you to be happy, healthy and content. You cannot take care of them if you are not taking care of you!

My mentor and dear friend Floyd Wickman once said something to me that had a profound effect on the way I try to live my life. I share it with you now in hopes that it will effect you in the same way and will help you to have your greatest year ever. He said that having his life flash before him at death was not what he feared. He feared seeing before him all that he could have been had he only given himself the chance. Carpe diem!

Published: January 5, 2001

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Marylyn B. Schwartz, CSP, is a noted expert in real estate and corporate sales training, team development, customer care and diversity issues. She is president of TEAMWEAVERS and a trainer for Leader's Choice, the number one real estate sales training program in North America. Marylyn is also an author and Business/Life Coach. Contact her at , or visit her website at teamweavers.com.