Is there any event in life more stressful and laden with conflicting emotions than buying a home? The answer is yes -- selling one's home can be equally trying.

For buyers, the purchasing experience can be stressful because they've never met the owners, something which creates a considerable amount of uncertainty. How well did the owners take care of the house? Are there hidden problems are waiting to unveil themselves.

For sellers, the experience can also be troubling. Do the buyers have the cash and credit to make the deal work? What if they can't sell their current home?

If we could just meet them, each side thinks, perhaps this process would be easier or at least more re-assuring.

Buyer-and-seller introductions aren't always a fantastic idea, however.

Coldwell Banker Realtor Neal Hribar says that the nature of real estate negotiations makes many Realtors uneasy about buyer-seller interactions.

"Unlike most business deals," he says, "the sale of a home can get very personal, and real estate agents are nervous about the parties dealing with each other."

"Because moving is such a stressful event, it is almost impossible to keep emotions out of a real estate transaction," he explains.

So if a buyer is at the house and the owner is on the premises, should they make friendly chit-chat?

Many brokers advise against it. Listing brokers commonly ask owner clients to leave before showing a property. They worry that a seller may let something "slip," that the buyer will misinterpret something the seller says, or perhaps that the buyer will make a remark which the owners take personally.

Buyer brokers, in many cases, are pleased to show the property without the owners in the house. Their concern is that a purchaser may feel uneasy with the owners around or that a buyer comment may erode their bargaining position. And buyers themselves will have a tough time being frank when owners are within earshot.

Derrick Ruiz, a Marina Del Rey, California-based broker known as the Digital Realtor agrees.

"It's OK for potential buyers to ask the seller questions about the property," he says, "but I usually recommend that you don't engage the seller in too much conversation. Sellers are very prideful of their homes and often react negatively when flaws in their homes are pointed out. Plus, we're in their space and sometimes it's uncomfortable as we peek through closets and cabinets. I usually tell my buyers that if they like the home, I'll arrange another showing while the sellers aren't there."

Sellers who remain present during open houses also may be tempted to try what Stewart Title refers to as the "hard sell." The company's online guide advises sellers not to "follow lookers around pointing out improvements and great features. People want to view the house on their own."

If buyers and sellers opt to meet, it's often best to gather somewhere other than at the property. Hribar advises that both parties select a neutral place for the meeting, such as a broker's office.

"A neutral location," he says "will help the sellers to distance themselves emotionally from their home which can help in the negotiation process."

For more articles by Courtney Ronan, please press here.

Published: March 21, 2001

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