Are you the recipient of lots of referral business? Usually, this is crème de la crème when it comes to profitable business with nice people. For most agents, when they think about generating referrals, they think, “Who do I know that I can get to send business to me?” The masters at this, often, have a radically different approach. It’s also a much more attractive and fun approach.

The Women’s Council of REALTORS (WCR) recently honored Emily Link, of Keller Williams Realty in Westlake Village, CA as the 2002 California State Member of the Year. I first met Emily when we sat together at a dinner at a NAR Meeting in 1993. Within six months, she called me with a referral of a listing to sell in Tucson. Emily shared with me that she starts each day by asking herself “Who can I refer business to today?” I have no doubt the generosity she shows to others was part of the reason she was honored.

I call this stirring up the cosmic dust. As you refer out, you send energy that responds to the immutable, inviolable universal Law of Attraction: You will attract in like what you send out. By referring out to others, this cosmic dust gets stirred up and it will return the energy back to you.

There is a paradox in this, however. Often what comes back does not seem related to what you’ve put out and then, most agents chalk it up to luck. This doesn’t give them the reinforcement that their actions created results because they don’t realize the subtle energy exchange for what it is. They discount that they are the source of the “luck” that showed up, such as those serendipitous situations when they are thrown in with someone who “needs” their services! To begin, then: take credit for having attracted to you each and every client that shows up!

In his bestseller, "Achieving Success Through Social Capital", Author Wayne Baker says, "…we cannot pursue the power of reciprocity. When we try to invoke reciprocity directly, we lose sight of the reason for it: helping others. Paradoxically, it is in helping others without expecting reciprocity in return that we invoke the power of reciprocity. The path to reciprocity is indirect: reciprocity ensues from the social capital built by making contributions to others. The deliberate pursuit of reciprocity fails, just like the pursuit of happiness. Acts of contribution, big and small, build your fund of social capital, creating a vast network of reciprocity. And so those who help you may not be those you help. The help you receive may come from distant corners of your network."

Our old thinking was of the "transactional reciprocity" variety. These days, however, Baker says, "Many people conceive of their business dealings as spot market exchanges--value given for value received, period. Nothing more, nothing less. This tit-for-tat mode of operation can produce success, but it doesn't invoke the power of reciprocity and so fails to yield extraordinary success."

The wonderful part of this dynamic is that we are in total control, every day, of our actions and we can start this energy flow going at any time. Beyond stirring up the cosmic dust and the Law of Attraction, this Law of Reciprocity applies. In his bestseller,” The Psychology of Persuasion", Robert B. Cialdini says, "One of the most potent of the weapons of influence around us is the rule of reciprocation. The rule says that we should try to repay, in kind, what another person has provided us." By giving to the others in your network, they are sure to want to give back to you to even the scales! By nature, we don’t like to “owe” others anything.

So, as you have always heard: by giving, you receive! You can become a master at this and reap the rewards by a conscious attentiveness to listening for opportunities to connect people. Hopefully, you have strategic partnerships built with others who are building their businesses and who are interested in attracting the same demographic client as you. As you pass along referrals and connections, the Laws of Attraction and Reciprocity will apply. Become comfortable with the paradox of having to let go of the direct results. Build trust with others and they will trust you. "Success and happiness must happen, the less one cares for them, the more they can" according to Viktor E. Frankl in his book The Meaning of Life.

The last important tool you have to leverage these laws is to be appreciative and show gratitude when you do receive referrals. Don’t wait to see if something closes, either. You need to reward people for the act of referring, not just for the monetary gain. This should be one of the systems in your business: an ongoing program and automatic follow up, and reward system (can be as simple as a thank you note) those who send referrals to you. This strengthens the bonds between you and reinforces their actions.

Who can you refer business to today?

Published: March 11, 2003

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Joeann Fossland GRI, LTG, MCC is a dynamic speaker and business coach. Creator of THE REAL ESTATE GAMETM, she provides coaching solutions enhance your effectiveness and life balance. You can subscribe to her free monthly newsletter, attend free monthly telephone seminars, and find out about classes delivered by email and personal coaching by visiting JoeAnn.com or e-mail her at .