Pop quiz! Have you ever forgotten the name of someone you've already met?

It's 7:15 p.m. and you've been networking for the past twenty minutes. You're meeting some good people, handing out cards, when out of the corner of your eye, you see someone who knows you heading in your direction.

Normally, this would be a great opportunity to reconnect with a good friend, catching up on the latest developments in his life. And who knows, maybe even get an extra listing or two thrown your way.

But this time it's a little different, because for the life of you, you can't remember this person's name. And to make matters worse, he greets you with a warm handshake, remembering exactly who you are.

Ever had this happen to you before? If you haven't yet, consider yourself lucky.

But believe me, if you're attending two or three events per week, and meeting four or five people while you're there, then eventually you're going to run across a situation similar to this. And when you do, you're going to want a tried and true method to help get you out of a jam.

How about giving this a try?

"I'm sorry, I know we've met before, but for some reason I'm having a hard time placing your name right now. I know it's not Jim, but it was … ?"

"Tell the person I've forgotten their name? Just like that?!" you ask.

Sure, why not? It's better than trying to remember who they are the whole time, and if you do it right, it's actually not too bad. Take a look at this example.

Friend: (coming from across the room to greet you) "Brian, how are you? Long time no see!"

You: (shaking hands) "Hey, good to see you. I'm doing all right, how about yourself?"

Friend: "Oh, not too bad, not too bad."

You: "Hey listen, I know we've met before, but for some reason I'm having a hard time placing your name right now. I know it's not Jim, but it's … ?"

Friend: "Steve, Steve Smith."

You: "That's right! And we met over at the Chamber event a few months ago. I'll tell you, I've got so much stuff going on these days, that sometimes I have a hard time remembering what I had for breakfast this morning. I'm sorry about that Steve … how's the business coming along?"

Now that wasn't too bad, was it? You mentioned right up front that you couldn't remember the person's name, and instead of it bogging you down the entire time, you just came clean.

And did you notice those two little wrinkles I threw in there?

I first took my best guess at this person's name, but qualified it right up front by saying "I know it's not [blank], but it was …" That gives the other person a chance to correct you without looking like you completely spaced out by forgetting their name.

I then threw in a quick little recovery joke. "I'll tell you, I've got so much stuff going on these days, sometimes I have a hard time remembering what I had for breakfast this morning."

By saying something like that, then moving quickly into another apology for forgetting, I've tried to add some levity to a situation that otherwise could be a little awkward. In most cases, something like this is enough to do the trick.

Now one question that usually comes up during our motivational workshops is why would you want to do this in the first place? In other words, why go through all the trouble of admitting you can't remember this person's name, when all you have to is "play along" until you get their card again?

Well, there are two reasons why that might not be a good idea.

First, how good can that conversation be if you're distracted by trying to remember who this person is and where you met them, instead of listening and asking some good questions?

I don't know about you, but a great way for anyone to lose creditability with me is to come across as only "half listening" or appear distracted throughout the discussion. We've got a great technique called Focused Attention that can help people get out of that habit, but why go down that road on something that can easily be corrected?

And second, what happens if you're talking to this person (whose name you can't remember), and another friend of yours walks over to the discussion? Now you have to introduce this new person to your original conversation partner … tough to do without knowing both of their names, huh?

I've seen it happen before, and believe me, that's a lot more embarrassing than just coming clean with the original person right off the bat. So take my word for it, sooner or later you're going to forget someone's name, and when you do, just follow our easy steps and you'll come across looking like a pro!

Published: September 26, 2003

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As a popular speaker and author of the resource How to Get More Business in Today's Tough Market, Brian specializes in helping busy agents get more leads and close more deals - even in a market as "challenging" as this. For a free report on 2 Easy Ways to Get More Business in Today's Tough Market, just email my office and we'll send it right over.