Buyer's remorse is one of the worst situations that a real estate agent can ever experience. It happens when a buyer (or lessee) has committed to moving forward in a transaction, then they change their mind and decide it isn't what they want to do after all. Or, if you're fortunate, the person may simply be having some concerns about moving forward, but with the right technique and follow-through, you'll have them back on track towards closing the transaction once again.

So what exactly causes buyer's remorse in the first place? Well, it's when a person's logic, emotions, and intuition are no longer congruent with moving forward and closing the transaction. In short, the person is experiencing disharmony with one or more of these factors internally, and it's causing them to have doubts about closing the deal.

So how do you as an agent address this in the best way possible to both take care of the client, and maximize the probability of successfully closing the transaction?

It's all about communicating to the client that what's most important to you is doing what's best for the client. Once the client is experiencing doubt and concern, if they feel you're trying to force them to move forward because you're concerned about your commission, you run the risk of not only losing the transaction, but losing the client, too. I mean what client would really want to continue working with an agent who they feel is more interested in their own pocketbook than taking care of them? When a client gets this feeling about you while they're simultaneously in a state of doubt and concern, the negative feeling about you can become much more magnified.

When a client is experiencing buyer's remorse (or seller's remorse for that matter), you ideally want to talk to them as a friend and confidante who genuinely wants to do what's best for them. Make this very clear to them and tell them, "What's important here is that we make the decision that's truly the best one for you." And in doing so, you'll probably form a closer bond with the client and move their level of trust in you to an entirely new level.

Then sit down with the client and say, "Let's take a look at the reasons why you originally wanted to move forward on this transaction and see if they're still valid." Then begin asking them why they originally liked the idea of moving forward on the transaction, and as they mention each reason to you, ask them if that individual reason is still valid.

One thing that's very powerful about this process is it allows the client to tell you verbally the reasons why they may still want to move forward with the transaction, which then begins to move them in that direction. When the client begins giving you these reasons in their own words, it holds much more validity than you telling them all the reasons why they should still move forward and close the transaction. People don't want to feel they're being sold by someone when they're experiencing buyer's remorse. They want to feel inside themselves that moving forward is what's in their own best interest. So gently asking them questions that guide them towards deciding that moving forward is what they want to do, is the best scenario that you can achieve here. If they're experiencing pre-closing jitters, this should be enough to reassure them.

But sometimes it becomes apparent through this process that moving forward is not what they want to do anymore.

And that's OK too, but it just might not feel that way to you right now. What you want to do here is position yourself to represent them on their next transaction, whether that will be almost immediately, or months or years down the road when they decide they're ready. And when this situation arises you may simply want to say something like this to the client when it's appropriate:

"I recognize that now is not the time for you to move forward. But can I ask one small favor of you?"

"Yes." (The client is responding to you here.)

"Allow me to be the agent who represents you on your next transaction when you're ready to move forward."

Usually in a situation like this, the client will feel indebted to you because they've backed out of a deal you were going to get paid on, and they'll almost always agree to let you represent them on their next transaction. But you need to ask them to do this right at the moment they decide they're not closing their current transaction. This is when you have the most emotional leverage with them, so make sure you utilize this opportunity because with all you've just been through you've definitely earned it!

Their opinion of you will skyrocket and they will feel committed to working with you again in the future, and possibly refer people to you, too.

In closing, when you reconnect your clients so that their logic, emotions, and intuition are all firing in unison towards moving forward once again, you'll close the transaction, and you'll build a closer relationship with these people in the process, too.

Published: June 6, 2005

Use of this article without permission is a violation of federal copyright laws.

Jim Gillespie, Ph.D., is America's Premier Real Estate Coach℠. He has over 20 years of experience in real estate sales and is a past president of three different real estate companies. His FREE real estate E-newsletter with tips and creative ideas to help agents make more money is now read by over 35,000 agents nationwide. You can subscribe to his FREE E-newsletter by visiting RealEstateSalesCoach.com or contact him at Jim@RealEstateSalesCoach.com.