A broker is concerned that a new agent who is showing potential may be derailed by her husband who is less than supportive of her new career.

"We have a new agent who has great potential. She is a young mother of 4 boys. She has a farming (agriculture) background, is very focused and used to working hard. From the little she shares about her husband, he does not seem to be supporting her real estate career due to family routine changes, less time at home, odd hours, etc. He also seems insecure and fearful of her out-earning him. She has come to tears talking about this situation. We don't want to lose her. Can you direct us to helpful resources -- books, audio, video, on-line chats."
--Thanks, Wisconsin broker.

Realty Times responds:

Sounds like fear of the unknown is impacting the husband, and he poses a significant hurdle to your new agent's career. As a broker, you're in a precarious position because the husband may regard you as competition, someone who is taking her away from him, and not as a positive influence in helping his wife.

I suspect that the main reason for his insecurity is that her real estate career is so different from her responsibilities at home. He may not be able to comprehend how his wife can be two places at once -- caring for the kids and for him while conducting a business as an independent contractor.

What he may not understand is that most people who work in real estate are married and have kids. It's the flexibility of the hours that appeals to many. One way she can lessen his fears is by doing as much work as possible from home. Does she have a laptop she can use at home. How about a Blackberry and cell phone? Does she have a desk where she can make her calls or does she need to come to your office to use your facilities?

I also suspect that there's some communication problems between the husband and wife. This career couldn't have come as a surprise to the husband because she had to go through the licensing process, but she may not have been able to anticipate how time-consuming selling real estate really is.

Suggests Petey Parker, real estate consultant and motivational speaker, "I can't imagine doing what it takes without the support of your spouse -- and friends. She seems courageous enough to want a career and real estate at least affords flex hours. My recommendation would be for her to know what she wants to do, put a business plan to it, seek agreement with her husband (and perhaps introduce the idea a professional marriage consultant), use books, tapes, attend seminars etc to bolster her own self esteem."  

She might do well to make a schedule and show her husband exactly when she will be available to him and the kids and when she will be working on her career. He may be bothered by the "odd" hours, because they interfere with time he is expecting to have her at home. She can combat that by having a support system at work -- a partner who can take those evening phone calls or Sunday open houses. She'll have to split her earnings with the partner, but that's better than not being able to earn at all, and many partnerships are quite successful.

Depending on how young the children are, she can also involve them in "helping" her by having them fold mailers for her, or going with her to hammer signs into yards. She may not be managing her time to the family's advantage, in other words. She may not realize how many wonderful parts to the job of selling real estate can include her family.

There's also the pace of her career to consider. While you'd like her to go full steam ahead, it simply may not be possible for her to keep her husband and children happy at a full-time pace. She may have to consider cutting back on the hours she spends on real estate versus the time she spends at home on her responsibilities.

I don't know how you run your business, but one way you could handle this is to invite the husband to come to the brokerage and meet the people with whom his wife is working. He may be feeling isolated as she has new things to talk about and to do. If he knows the players, he won't feel left out of the action.

Does she have a specialty, like selling farms? She could ask him for referrals from feed-sellers, tractor vendors, and others. If he can take a little role in her success, he should feel less abandoned and more pro-active.

Advises Realty Times' contributor Marylyn Schwartz, "The more the significant other is encouraged to share his/her concerns and are brought into the process and asked for input and guidance, the quicker his/her fears are dissipated and replaced with support and encouragement. There are no guarantees, but the chances are good that if the relationship was on solid ground before the changes ensued, the new career path will ultimately bring the pair closer together."

She suggests that a agent "have a heart-to-heart conversation with your partner. Tell him how important he is in your life and how his love and support mean the world at this challenging transition. Ask that he help you because you don't have all the answers, and in truth are feeling a bit scared and vulnerable too. Acknowledge to him that his extra efforts are appreciated more than you can say. Be sure to always validate even the smallest willingness or movement toward making it easier on you. Remember, behavior that is rewarded is repeated. As tough as it may be, try to downplay the negativity and really praise the help."

There are many places where your agent can get additional help. Realty Times has a free library of articles that date back to 1997. Just use the search button on any page for topics.

RealTalk is a terrific online community where she can ask advice of other agents.

We hope these ideas help.

Published: March 8, 2007

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Blanche is a renowned author of five real estate books. Her newest, Bubbles, Booms and Busts: Make Money In Any Real Estate Market, McGraw-Hill, was rave-reviewed by The New York Times. She was also selected from hundreds of real estate experts to contribute to Donald Trump's book, Trump: The Best Real Estate Advice I Ever Received: 100 Top Experts Share Their Strategies, Rutledge Hill Press, and is featured on page 68. Order Now Review - Honors In 2006, Blanche was selected among scores of candidates to author two consumer real estate guidebooks for the National Association of Realtors: The NAR Guide to Home Buying, and The NAR Guide to Home Selling, Wiley & Sons. She is currently planning two new books for the NAR and its members.       Known for her keen insight into real estate industry issues and for her ability to make complex subjects easy to understand, Blanche is a sought-after keynote and continuing education speaker. Real estate organizations from MLSs, to brokerages, to franchisors, to associations hire her to provide up-to-the-minute analysis of real estate industry news and advice on how to improve revenues. Her passionate delivery, peppered with stinging wit, is a huge hit with audiences and fans. Don Klein, CEO Greater Nashville Association of Realtors, Blanche Evans, Richard Courtney, president 2007, GRAR "The GNAR membership meeting last week featured Blanche Evans as the keynote speaker. Her comments and insights resonated extremely well with those in attendance and we have had many requests for copies of her PowerPoint Presentation. She was a terrific part of the membership meeting and convention program!" - Don Klein, CEO Greater Nashville Association of Realtors Coverage from WSMV, Nashville - 8-14-2007 That Interview Guy - Get Inside The Head Of Today's Generation 2007 AE Institute Session - To purchase 2006 AE Institute Session - Parts 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 HouseValues Mastermind call - Parts 1 2 Blanche's fireside chat with Jeremy Conaway, HAR - Click here. For more articles by Blanche, click here.