I love SOI*. It's my thing; it's my passion. I think every self-employed salesperson oughta include a little SOI in their arsenal. Or a lot. During my real estate days, my business was nearly 100 percent SOI with a few random floor calls, walk-ins and web leads tossed in as gravy.

But if you're gunna SOI, you better do it right! Not everyone does. In fact, most don't. Not because they're stupid or incompetent or insensitive, not at all! Rather, because most salespeople have never been shown the right way to do it. When done right, an SOI business model actually changes the way the salesperson views his business ... and his world.

Most experienced real estate salespeople claim to embrace an SOI philosophy. They support the idea of generating business and referrals from the people they know. But the reality is that the vast majority of real estate agents fail miserably in their SOI efforts. Even worse, they manage to alienate many of their friends and family members along the way!

And then they proclaim that "SOI is a lousy way to run a business!"

Well, they're wrong. And, they're right. They're wrong that an SOI strategy is a poor business model, but they're right that it was a lousy business model for them. Because they didn't understand how to do it right.

If you're gunna SOI, you better do it right. If you're gunna do it wrong, don't do it at all. The personal relationships in your life are far too important to risk!

Here are twenty ways to blow it with your SOI:

1. Ask a friend to lunch and give her your sales pitch (every time)

2. Call your friends on the first Monday of every month and ask if they have any referrals for you.

3. If they don't, ask them why not.

4. Angrily (or tearfully) confront your friends and family if they use another real estate agent

5. Take on business you aren't qualified to handle

6. Blow off your friend's housewarming party, but expect her to be loyal to you

7. Attend your friend's housewarming party and sales-pitch everyone to death

8. Tell everyone you know how lousy the real estate market is

9. Tell everyone you know how overwhelmed you are

10. Tell everyone you know how depressed you are about your real estate business

11. Send out an announcement letter with typo's and misspellings

12. Send your friends frequent "forward this on for good luck or else" mass emails

13. Pepper your language with four-letter words

14. Borrow money or books or tools or whatever and don't return them in a timely manner

15. Don't return social phone calls or RSVP's

16. Try to hijack referral fees from your family's pre-existing real estate relationships

17. Ignore your SOI in favor of mass-advertising projects (then get your feelings hurt when they use someone else)

18. Contact your friends only when you're looking for business

19. Offer bribes to your friends for referrals

20. Sell real estate "on the side"

*An "SOI" (sphere of influence) business strategy means to generate business and referrals from the people who know you.

Published: January 23, 2008

Use of this article without permission is a violation of federal copyright laws.

Jennifer Allan is the author of Sell with Soul: Creating an Extraordinary Career in Real Estate without Losing Your Friends, Your Principles or Your Self-Respect, as well as a number of eBooks including The Seduction of Your SOI: Generating Business and Referrals from the Very Important People Who Know You, Dorky Announcement Letters - DEDORKED! and For Sale Signs Don't Pay the Bills. Jennifer began her writing career after ten years of selling real estate successfully in Denver, Colorado. She was dismayed at the low level of professionalism she frequently encountered in the real estate industry and, with her "soulful" message, hopes to encourage the real estate community to self-correct the negative stereotypes of the profession. Jennifer's message is that agents should strive to be competent real estate advisors instead of simply competent real estate prospectors. That agents should respect the intelligence of their clients, rather than attempt to insult that intelligence with aggressive closing techniques. She preaches that agents should appreciate the significant commissions paid by their clients, rather than complain that they, themselves, are not appreciated. Her personal mantra is "The clients I have today are far more important to me than the ones I hope to have tomorrow." She is a regular contributor to several real estate newsletters and magazines, a member of the RE/MAX Hall of Fame and one of the industry's most popular bloggers. You can learn more about Jennifer's "soulful" philosophies at SellWithSoul.com.