I recently read on a real estate forum where a new agent was heartbroken (and subsequently outraged) that his brother-in-law hired someone else to sell his home. Because he was brand new, he felt his brother-in-law owed it to him to give him the listing so that he'd get some much-needed experience. The new agent was bad-mouthing his brother-in-law to the rest of the family and swearing to avoid him at the next family get-together.

OUCH!

How fast can you say, "Kiss Your Family's Business GOODBYE!?"

No one on this planet is obligated to work with us, regardless of any personal relationship. Instead of whining and sulking and pouting about the situation, our new agent should have taken all that energy and asked himself WHY his brother-in-law didn't hire him. And made an effort to do better next time.

Was it personal? Maybe, maybe not. Although with this guy's attitude, it probably was. The minute I get a sense that someone feels I'm obligated to hire them (or even refer them), I'm turned off. Yeah, I'm contrary that way, aren't you?

Getting business from the people you know, particularly your family is an art that once mastered, will seem oh-so-obvious and natural. But if you approach the people you know with the attitude that they owe you something because you're related or went to college together or because you sent them a pretty calendar last year, your prospecting efforts with them will crash and burn.

What I would have advised the new agent to do (had he asked) would be to graciously accept defeat and cheerfully offer his assistance. I'd have told him to be pleasant, supportive and complimentary of the other agent's efforts. Sweet as sugar. Because ... at some point, the brother-in-law might just get frustrated with his listing agent and be open to talking again.

But instead, look what this guy did. He alienated his brother-in-law and gave the entire family a great reason to wonder about his professionalism. I'll bet that it will be a long time before anyone in that family dares to talk to him about their own real estate needs!

Published: March 5, 2008

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Jennifer Allan is a former top producing real estate broker, a published author, a speaker and a trainer. She has written five books a bout the business of selling real estate, including her flagship book: Sell with Soul: Creating an Extraordinary Career in Real Estate without Losing Your Friends, Your Principles or Your Self-Respect. Her new book entitled "If You’re Not Having Fun Selling Real Estate, You're Not Doing it Right!" will be released in early 2010. Jennifer believes that the secret of success for real estate agents is not in aggressive marketing techniques or hard-core sales pitches, but rather in being competent in one's craft. Competence begets Confidence. And in today's world of increasingly suspicious and ad-weary consumers, having an air of self-assurance and enthusiasm will be far more effective than a slick sales campaign. Jennifer writes and speaks with this philosophy in mind. She preaches that salespeople should follow the Golden Rule in their day-to-day practice of business - treating clients and prospects respectfully, as the salesperson him or herself would like to be treated. Being competent, reliable and fair, and motivated by a true desire to earn a paycheck, not just show up at closing with hand outstretched. She is a regular contributor to several real estate newsletters and magazines, a member of the RE/MAX Hall of Fame and one of the industry's most popular bloggers. You can learn more about Jennifer's "soulful" philosophies at www.SellWithSoul.com. Subscribe to Jennifer Allan's Newsletter for SOI'ers Tips & Strategies for Generating Business from Your Sphere of Influence Your Email Address: Your Name: