Does your spouse confidently and cheerfully refer you to everyone he knows who has a real estate need? Yes? Good for you! You can move onto the next article on your list. You don't need me today!

But if you answered "no," do you know why he or she doesn't? Do you know the real reason?

Neither do I. But I'm going to throw something out there that you are free to accept or reject.

Do you come home every night complaining about your real estate career? Do you ... um... whine about how awful the market is, or about how little training you're getting from your broker? Do you bemoan the fact that the last 10 FSBOs you contacted hung up on you before you could even begin your sales pitch?

Or, conversely, do you bounce in the door at night, bubbling with enthusiasm, ready to share your latest success story or lesson learned?

In my SOI (Sphere of Influence)* writings, I urge agents to prove to their friends that they are an RCHB, which stands for a "Reasonably Competent Human Being." If your friends perceive you as an RCHB, they'll be happy to hire you, or to refer business your way. If they don't perceive you as such, they probably won't. Makes sense, doesn't it? I mean, referring business to a friend is a risky thing to do - no one wants to be responsible for a referral that goes badly, so we're all a little circumspect about who we have on our personal referral lists.

Here's the thing ... the cold hard fact is that your spouse is no different. He has a social network that is important to him. She doesn't want to jeopardize her friendships and business relationships with a referral that goes sour. Neither does he want to be seen as "that pesky real estate agent's husband" to be avoided at parties!

So, what's the answer?

It's up to you to prove to your husband or wife that you are an RCHB who loves selling real estate and is darn good at it. And you don't "prove" this by telling him or her how great you are, you have to demonstrate it in your attitude and your enthusiasm.

Am I asking you to fake it? Not really, but ... .

Frankly, if you aren't an RCHB and you don't have a fair amount of enthusiasm about your career, you'll probably fail, with or without your spouse's referred business. The question really isn't, "Should I fake it?" but rather, "How can I change my attitude?"

Now, if you don't need or want your spouse's support in your real estate career, then feel free to use him or her as your nightly sounding board to vent your frustrations on. It's okay, really! We all need someone to cry to. Just know that doing this puts your spouse in a difficult position when it comes to drumming up business for his beloved...

*SOI = Sphere of Influence = People Who Know You

Published: April 11, 2008

Use of this article without permission is a violation of federal copyright laws.

Jennifer Allan is the author of the newly-released Sell with Soul: Creating an Extraordinary Career in Real Estate without Losing Your Friends, Your Principles or Your Self-Respect (click here to reserve a numbered, autographed copy of one of the first 1,000 printed.) as well as a number of eBooks including The Seduction of Your SOI: Generating Business and Referrals from the Very Important People Who Know You, Dorky Announcement Letters - DEDORKED! and The Art of Pricing. Jennifer began her writing career after ten years of selling real estate successfully in Denver, Colorado. She was dismayed at the low level of professionalism she frequently encountered in the real estate industry and, with her "soulful" message, hopes to encourage the real estate community to self-correct the negative stereotypes of the profession. Jennifer's message is that agents should strive to be competent real estate advisors instead of simply competent real estate prospectors. That agents should respect the intelligence of their clients, rather than attempt to insult that intelligence with aggressive closing techniques. She preaches that agents should appreciate the significant commissions paid by their clients, rather than complain that they, themselves, are not appreciated. Her personal mantra is "The clients I have today are far more important to me than the ones I hope to have tomorrow." You can learn more about Jennifer's "soulful" philosophies at SellWithSoul.com.  Subscribe to  The Daily Seduction Tips & Inspirations to Generate Business and Referrals from The Very Important People Who Know You  Your Email Address: Your Name: