One of the delights of urban living is seeing more and more people out and about with their dogs. Big dogs. Little dogs. Cute and so-ugly-they're-cute dogs. Even city managers are enjoying the Frenchness of it all. They're designating more land for dog parks, and allowing restaurants to serve patrons and their dogs on designated patios. Pooch parades like those held in Long Beach and Dallas are becoming annual spring events. And dog adoptions across the nation are way up.

We're humanizing our pets and treating them as members of the family, says Pet Product News. We spend so much money on them that the pet industry believes its vertical is virtually recession-proof. The industry is expected to grow 6 percent compared to half of that for the general economy, so I guess they're right.

But one thing we aren't doing is teaching ourselves to be good members of our dog's family. According to some poor research that I failed to verify, 40 percent of Americans don't pick up after their dogs.

And that's bad, because between four and seven U.S. households owns at least one dog, and 45 percent of those are large dogs, 40 pounds or heavier. I don't know who did this survey and lived to tell about it, but 12,000 dogs generate 5,000 pounds of foul-smelling, disease-spreading dooky.

With approximately 54.6 million dogs, not counting strays, that's a lot of crap.

Women, says one unfounded report, tend to be better about picking up doggie do than men. Who would have guessed that?

But it could also be that more and more dog owners simply don't know that picking up is a good idea. Contrary to popular belief, doggie doo isn't good for the grass. It spreads disease to our water systems, as well as tracks into our living rooms on our shoes.

But try telling that to some dog owners.

They don't want to hear the reasons why they should pick up after their dogs. They prefer their excuses.

In an unscientific survey, I've come up with the top 10 reasons why people don't pick up after their dogs.

1. Stool is not cool.

2. It's too big.

3. It's too small.

4. The rain will wash it away.

5. Nobody's watching.

6. Everybody does it.

7. It's fertilizer. Didn't you read Shogun?

8. My dog has diarrhea. I can't pick that up.

9. It's too cold, hot, rainy, windy, late, early, etc.

10. I forgot to bring a bag. Every day, I forget.

11. I can't let that hot chick/guy see me picking up doo-doo.

So to fight back, I've also come up with the top 10 reasons why dog owners should pick up after their dogs.

1. It stinks.

2. It looks nasty.

3. It can get on your shoes.

4. It doesn't go away for weeks.

5. It spreads e-coli.

6. It spreads salmonella.

7. It spreads giardia.

8. Its high nitrogen content kills many native grasses.

9. It costs communities a lot of money to encourage dumb dog-owners with extra trashcans, reminder signs and doggie bags to do the right thing.

10. That hot chick/guy just might be impressed with your eco-sensitivity if you pick up after your dog.

Published: April 15, 2008

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