It hurts. It hurts a lot when someone you know hires someone other than wonderful you to represent them in the purchase or sale of a home.

I've been there, especially in my first few years, and was devastated every time it happened. So, I get it. I understand why it can ruin your day. Especially if that paycheck would have really come in handy right about now.

But you know what? When it happens, it's almost never personal. Seriously. No, I'm not saying that "business is business, get over it." I'm saying that the person who hired someone else probably had no idea it would bother you. They didn't select against you, they picked someone else! There's a big difference.

Of course, sometimes it is personal. Sometimes you were selected against (but this is rare). When that's the case, you have two choices. You can either be mad at the person for "betraying" their "obligation" to you or you can ask yourself why they felt someone else was a better choice. I vote for Option B. Look in the mirror, take the blame. Strive to improve.

While it's also possible that the person is just a jerk and hired someone else to hurt you, I really doubt it. That's a pretty self-absorbed viewpoint, as if this other person's world revolves around you. But if that's the case, well, then that's a friend you really don't need to worry much about, right?

So, what are some reasons a friend or acquaintance might pick someone else to represent them?

1. They forgot you sell real estate

2. Their best friend just got her real estate license

3. They met a real estate agent at an open house and really liked him

4. They called on a For Sale sign and really hit it off with the listing agent

5. They're buying in a specific neighborhood and want to work with the neighborhood expert

6. The agent they hired promised them a commission rebate

7. The husband's boss's wife is a real estate agent, and he wants to kiss up

What are some reasons a friend or acquaintance might not pick you?

1. They don't want to share their financial information with someone they know

2. They thought you specialized in a different part of town

3. They had a bad experience with another agent in your company

4. They worked with another agent in your company in the past and would feel bad hiring you instead of them.

5. They know too much about your personal life and doubt your stability (ouch)

6. They think you work in higher price ranges and wouldn't be interested in their piddly little deal.

7. They know several real estate agents and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, so they hired a stranger

What should you do when your friend hires another agent? Be pleasant, polite and professional. No sense ruining a friendship or the potential for future referrals by whining, sulking or pouting over something that very likely has nothing to do with you!

Published: December 28, 2009

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Jennifer Allan-Hagedorn was a top producing real estate broker in Denver, Colorado before writing her first book in 2007. Since then, she has written several more books about the business of selling real estate including her flagship book: Sell with Soul: Creating an Extraordinary Career in Real Estate without Losing Your Friends, Your Principles or Your Self-Respect, the sequel, If You're Not Having Fun Selling Real Estate, You're Not Doing it Right and her latest, to be released in Spring 2011, Prospect with Soul for Real Estate Agents. Jennifer believes that the secret of success for real estate agents is not in aggressive marketing techniques or hard-core sales pitches, but rather in being competent in one's craft. Competence begets Confidence. And in today's world of increasingly suspicious and ad-weary consumers, having an air of self-assurance and enthusiasm will be far more effective than a slick sales campaign. Jennifer writes and speaks with this philosophy in mind. She preaches that salespeople should follow the Golden Rule in their day-to-day practice of business - treating clients and prospects respectfully, as the salesperson him or herself would like to be treated. Being competent, reliable and fair, and motivated by a true desire to earn a paycheck, not just show up at closing with hand outstretched. She is a regular contributor to several real estate newsletters and magazines, a member of the RE/MAX Hall of Fame and one of the industry's most popular bloggers. You can learn more about Jennifer's "soulful" philosophies at www.SellWithSoul.com. Subscribe Below to Enroll in the Daily Seduction Newsletter Mini-Clinic - Tips and Strategies to Generate Business and Referrals From Your Sphere of Influence! Your Full Name Your Email Address