6 Remarkably Valuable Strategies for Keeping Your Sanity After a Divorce
Divorces tend to be hectic, stressful times for any family. Couples often have children, pets, shared friends, and cross-family relationships. Even more, entangling are the shared finances and property assets. Often, separating spouses get caught up in the yours-mine argument without thinking forward about what will make them happy, successful, and sane a year or more after the divorce is final. It's vital to make sure that your post-divorce finances and terms can be supportive of healthy, separate lives.
So today, we're spotlighting post-divorce sanity. Here are 6 remarkably valuable strategies for keeping your sanity after a divorce.
1) Make Your Financial Plans Future-Forward
Always think ahead when making financial plans during the divorce. Drafting a good divorce agreement is all about balancing the separation of money and assets so that both spouses can live independently without struggle or bothering the other afterward. If one person "keeps" the house but is saddled with an unsupportable mortgage, for example, that is not as financially sound as splitting the proceeds or even splitting the use of the house.
Try to think ahead and make plans that can grow into a healthy lifestyle for both spouses once separated.
2) Claim Your Pre-Marital and Personal Items Early
Don't let your personal items get lost (or held hostage) in the separation. Before you start discussing who gets the house, car, and kids -- quietly separate all your personal non-marital belongings out of the mix. Everything you owned before the marriage is still a pre-marital asset and therefore yours. Any gifts that are given to you personally (not as a couple or family) are also non-marital assets that your spouse cannot claim.
Keep your items safe before the big asset debate. Your journals and yearbooks, keepsakes from your youth, family heirlooms, and personal gifts from friends and family do not need to go into the asset debate. Store them somewhere safe like a storage unit or a relative's attic until you settle again after the divorce.
3) Know Your Options in Selling or Keeping the House
Be aware of your options when it comes time to talk about the house. In many couples, neither can support the mortgage on their own so selling the house is the primary option. But there are other choices. To keep the home with one ex, the answer is usually to refinance and Quitclaim to replace both names with one name on the loan and title.
You can buy out your spouse - or be bought out - from half the equity share during refinancing, or you can even choose to keep the house and share it for the sake of the kids.
If you sell your home cheap, know how much will go to pay off the mortgage and how much will be split between you and your spouse. You can even choose to rent the house if it stays in one or both spouse's possession.
4) Schedule Time to Process On Your Own
Remember to make time for yourself, as well. After a divorce, you may be extremely busy getting your new life together as a solo person. However, it is vital that you take time alone to process your thoughts, feelings, and plans. Take walks or long baths to clear your head when thinking alone. Find a friend, relative, or therapist to talk to when you need to talk things out. Be careful about venting too much to kids, even older kids, who may not benefit from hearing your inner post-divorce process until you're ready to present your thoughts with parenting clarity.
5) Ask the Kids What They Want & Brainstorm Together
Speaking of the kids, sit down and talk before the divorce terms are hammered out and at many points along the way. Ask your kids what they are most worried about concerning the divorce, and what they want in terms of parenting and divorce terms. Your kids might be afraid of moving or eager to move. While children are often bothered by divorce. Many are also encouraging because they'd rather be happy parents than parents together and unhappy.
It can also help to brainstorm with your kids. Sometimes, your children have a better perspective on building a happy future than you do because they're not caught in the midst of the divorce experience.
6) Consider Nesting and Other Creative Co-Parenting Tactics
Last but certainly not least, explore your options for co-parenting. The traditional two-home, weekend-split divorce arrangement is no longer considered the norm. Equal parenting time is now more advised than primary custody vs weekends. There's even a rising trend called nesting, in which the kids stay in the family home and parents switch out - instead of the other way around. Parents benefit by having a separate place and less hassle while kids get the stability of one home instead of constantly packing and moving homes.
One of the best things you can do to keep your sanity is to have a good team on your side. Your divorce lawyer and broker can both make a big difference in helping you make smart and long-term decisions for post-divorce sanity. Be sure to check your broker reviews to make sure you have the best broker available. Contact us today if you'd like to talk about your homeownership, refinancing, or selling options to determine the best choice for your post-divorce life and family.