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You Will Survive! How to Overcome the Emotional Trauma of Foreclosure

Written by Posted On Sunday, 11 August 2013 17:00

If you find yourself in a foreclosure situation, emotions will overtake you -- so it's critical that you deal with them in order to keep a clear head and survive the trauma. Most, if not all, of your emotions will be negative in nature and none will help you get out of the hole you are in. Furthermore, none will help you find good ideas to solve your impending foreclosure.

Your emotions play a vital role in dealing with life's ups and downs. It is the engine that moves your body into action, and if you are in peril of losing your home in a foreclosure, you will probably experience a great deal of anger, fear, anxiety and shame.

Anger may emerge first, and many times the anger that is bottled up inside of us bubbles up and explodes. When this happens, innocent bystanders suffer the consequences. Unfortunately, more often than not, we take out this anger out on our loved ones, especially our spouse and children. Before you explode or direct your anger at them, consider that they are as scared as you are. Don't take out your frustrations on them, your financial woes are not their fault.

Overcoming angerMany years ago, a corporate lawyer told me that in his personal and professional experience, someone who loses his temper is usually very afraid. My advice to you is that before you explode in anger, stop for a moment and consider what is making you afraid. If you can figure out what is making you afraid and you deal with that fear, your anger will go away. Consider this statement and try to incorporate it into your daily life. If you can stop and identify what is frightening you, you can deal with it in a composed manner.

Overcoming fear and anxiety

Fear is defined as "a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc. whether the threat is real or imagined." This emotion does not originate with fear itself, but with worry.

When you begin to realize how bad your financial situation is, you begin to worry. To worsen the situation you begin to receive letters from your creditors demanding payment and disconnection notices from your utility company, and to top it all off, you begin to receive abusive and threatening calls from collection agencies. All of these calls and/or letters serve as a permanent reminder of your poor financial situation.

When fear dominates your emotions for a prolonged period of time, it will produce anxiety. Anxiety will produce depression and depression will lead to numerous mental and physical issues.

Many people today suffer from anxiety and depression, and doctors numb them with drugs. However, drugs will never solve your problem. When external circumstances have caused your depression, consider the root of your anger and the fear associated with it. Deal with that fear and be released from your anxiety.

Fear is a destructive emotion that produces a negative vibration. How do you move out of this? The best way is to focus on the solution to the problem rather than the problem itself. Otherwise, you will only attract more problems. If instead you dedicate all your attention to finding a solution, ideas will begin to appear naturally. By focusing your conscious attention on the solution, you will move out of the negative vibration and into a positive vibration, and you will find a solution.

Overcoming blame and guilt

Whenever we experience a negative event in our lives, by nature we try to find someone to blame. Blaming someone or something will never help you solve your current problem, even though blame may be fully justified. Blame will not help you deal with the real issue. While you are spending all of your time playing the blame game, the foreclosure clock is ticking. If you do not take any countermeasures, you will end up losing your home. Failure to take action is one of the main reasons that people lose their home to foreclosure.

Guilt and blame are closely related. While blame is anger or resentment directed at someone else, guilt is anger directed at ourselves. In our personal lives, we all have done things in the past that we are not proud of and that we may be ashamed to admit. You must learn to forgive yourself, neither you nor I can change the past -- and it is time to let it go.

It's best to avoid any thoughts or feelings of guilt and blame. As soon as your thoughts begin to drift into blaming someone, quickly discard them and start to consider solutions instead. It does not matter who is to blame, what matters now is that you only entertain thoughts that will help you solve your problem.

Overcoming shame

Shame is another negative and paralyzing emotion, and probably the biggest obstruction to finding a solution to your financial problems. It causes you to hide the problem from the people who may have the ability to help.When we are experiencing financial challenges, we hide this information, perhaps even from our spouse. Once the truth comes out and your true financial status is exposed, it may be too late for any financial assistance that a family member and/or friend could have offered.

What your friends and family say about or think of you should be the least of your worries. Yes, there's shame in having to admit that you may lose your house in a foreclosure. However, you have nothing to gain and a lot to lose by hiding your financial situation. You know who your friends are, you know who in your family you can trust, and who has the ability to help you. Talk to them, seek help, get beyond shame and you may be happily surprised at the outcome.

You are well able to defend your home from foreclosure, but first you must take control of your emotions. And you will survive!

Joaquin Benitez personally experienced foreclosure and is the author of the new book, The Foreclosure Phenomenon: How to Defend Your Home from an Impending Foreclosure, available at and
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