It’s another day and as you sit sipping your morning coffee (or tea) you may not realize that much of your day will be run by that “inner voice” that dictates how you see the world.  

Those experiences of yesterday have a place in our brains that tell a story. The story is based on an experience you had at a given time in a particular situation, and your perception of that experience gets logged into a permanent file in your brain.  That thought may be a total misperception but will “rule” how you think, behave, and act … and then catalogue the experience next time a similar situation occurs. 

Here’s the thing…

Most of the time, that observation can be good or bad, but either way, it becomes the blueprint for your thinking and perception going forward.  If you’ve had a good experience, you write a story. If you have decided the situation was a “bad” experience, you write your story and will refer to that perception as your “reality”.   But is it really true?

Here’s an example:  

You spot a cute outfit and it’s on SALE!  You are delighted and can’t wait to wear it.  Days later, you are excited to wear it to a big event.  As you stroll out the door, you take a final quick peek at the mirror and smile… you look great!  

Feeling pretty, confident, and stylish, you take your seat at the program and some person you don’t know sits down next to you.  You start chatting and this stranger comments on your outfit. She mentions that the color doesn’t really compliment you because you are a “summer” not a “winter”.  Feeling deflated, you never wear the outfit again. 

What? Was this person a celebrity fashion stylist, or just a person who sat next to you at a convention of hundreds of people? And why does their opinion matter? Why did you give your power away to someone else’s opinion?

Humans believe the story they write. Women are especially good at writing a story that is often not even remotely true, mostly about themselves.  “I’m fat, I am not organized, I’m not good at social media”… But who says?

We are all too often ruled by our judgments and perceptions based on our observations and our own personal experiences.  Sometimes, that can be a good thing. Avoiding unpleasant, or what appears to be a dangerous situation, is helpful for survival, but what if we are incorrect? 

What if we are totally wrong?

What if we are seeing only what we want to see?

Our minds work to help us label and sort the millions of pieces of data that we experience every day of our lives.  We generalize, distort, delete, and then respond accordingly.   

The next time someone gives you a compliment, simply say thank you.  Before you insult them with your response, like, “oh, this old thing?” or “this is my fat outfit”, take a minute.  Understand that their perception is different from yours, and they are seeing you from their own view. Simply say, “thank you!” Remember, the only person you need to be happy with is you and getting a positive or negative response from someone else has nothing to do with you. They are writing THEIR story as they see it.  Know that sometimes people are well intentioned but from their rule book, not yours. Even the sincerest observation is still colored by someone else’s interpretation. 

However, if you truly want to change something about yourself or your life, go ahead and do it! But don’t give away your power to get the approval of another’s perception of beauty, success, joy, happiness or purpose.  That’s your job!

Your life will be much richer, joyful and satisfying when the only story you write about yourself is according to you: Your style, your choices, your attention.  If you aren’t happy with it, the choice to change is strictly your own. When you release outside approval, other’s opinions and judgments, you can enjoy knowing that according to you, you are just right.