I take Time Management very seriously. I have conducted over 2,000 presentations as a professional speaker on Time Management over the last twenty years to over 100,000 people. But a good laugh now and then is as important as our serious side.

So, I have accumulated some of the most offbeat Time Management tips for you to get twice as much done. I know you'll get a chuckle or two from them.

• Don't buy an address book and fill it out. Instead, get a copy of the white pages from your local telephone company and cross out the names you don't need.

• Support cloning.

• Watch the television program “60 Minutes” in half an hour.

• Always use twice as much grass seed as the directions call for and grow twice the grass.

• Always order a double martini.

• Use a large scrub brush to brush your teeth.

• Shower for twice as much time on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays and you can skip Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays, and Sundays.

• Catch two colds at a time and take only half the sick days.

• Go to bed dressed, ready to start your next day.

• Keep one eye closed during the day and you'll only have to sleep half as much time.

• Have twins.

• Ski downhill twice as fast as you are used to and get it over with in half the time.

• Buy Double-Mint gum.

• Only go out on a double date.

• Listen to your politicians and learn how to be better at double talk.

• At the beach, roll across the sand and tan your front and back at the same time.

• When angry, slam the door twice so you won't have to do it the next time you get angry.

• Only look at every other word and read twice as fast.

• I know cookies should be baked at 350 degrees, but try cooking them at 700 degrees in half the time.

• Pack twice as much as you need when traveling.

• Play your CD's and DVD's in the Fast Forward mode.

• Eat your dessert while eating your main course.

• When writing, always use both hands at the same time.

• Have a double set of speakers for your sound system and you will listen to twice as much.

• On rainy days, leave the umbrella home and then you can skip your shower the next day.

• If you are a golfer, hit two balls at the same time.

• When you make a big mistake, be sure to have two excuses why you goofed, to get you out of trouble twice as fast.

• At a birthday party, leave off singing the second half of the “Happy Birthday” song.

• Fish with two poles.

• Cut off half the buttons on your shirts and blouses and you will be able to button what's left in half the time.

• Bet on the Daily Double.

• Dig a hole with two shovels.

• Use two bars of soap when you wash and get it done in half the time.

• Always wear a sweater so you don't have to spend time looking for one when you really need one.

• Tip 30% rather than 15% at the restaurant and enjoy twice the service.

Published: September 12, 2008

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Dr. Donald E. Wetmore has been a full-time Professional Speaker for the last 20 years having made over 2,000 presentations to audiences from around the Globe. He is available to conduct his dynamic Time Management Seminars at your location helping your people get more done in less time, with less stress. Don's programs are entertaining, fast paced, and filed with practical, common sense ideas. His seminars are typically rated as "the best I have ever attended." For more information, contact Don via e-mail at or call him at (203) 386-8062 and (800) 969-3773.