A buyer and her agent don't seem to be communicating very well. After finding the house they wanted online, the buyers asked the agent to show them the home, and now the agent has put pressure on the buyer to buy the home.

A Realty Times reader writes:

I have a buyer's agent and we signed a contract back in the summer. She has sent us email updates on a weekly basis but we have only gone out to look at homes with her 3 times or so and they are always homes that we have researched and found because she has consistently missed the mark on her email updates.

We trusted her and have been loyal. Well, we found the house that we liked and asked her to show it to us and ever since then she is a new person. She seems to smell the money and is pushing us, telling us to make an offer higher then we are comfortable with (we won't) trying to make us feel a sense of urgency (even though there isn't one), using "scare" tactics to make us feel like we are about to lose the house if we don't hurry up and move and she has just gotten very ugly. We no longer trust she is working in our best interest and being that this is such a huge investment we are very scared to move forward and make an offer on this house using her because we think she will do whatever it takes to make the deal close.

She nonchalantly asked me which mortgage brokers I was working with, called one and got personal information about us that she did not need to know ... we felt very violated. She had our preapproval and we felt that is all she needed. Not to mention the mortgage broker violated our privacy which is a whole other issue. We are furious. So my question is, since we no longer feel like our buyer's agent is working for us and in our best interest do we have to move forward with her if we want to write a contract on a home that she showed us? I am sure our agreement says that if we buy a home that she showed she can still get paid for so many days after the end of our contract but I feel so violated by her and don't trust her. This is an old home and my husband and I have no experience working with a buyer's agent or with older homes.

Thanks for any input you can provide. -- Nervous Buyer

Realty Times responds:

Dear Nervous Buyer: It looks like what you have is failure to communicate. I don't condone this buyer's agent's behavior, but if you aren't happy with her, go to the agent's broker and get out of the contract.

There's no reason for anyone to get nasty, but sometimes agents forget that buyers don't have to buy because they can always rent. Sellers, on the other hand, sometimes have to sell. So motivation is a big factor in the transaction.

Since I can't reprimand this agent for you, the only thing I can do is point out to you where your communication may have gone awry.

I don't know how you met this agent, but my guess is that she's not used to working with buyers. If she kept sending you email updates that didn't match your criteria, did you speak up and tell her?

Judging from her wrong-headed attempt to get more information about you from the mortgage broker, it's obvious that she didn't feel she knew enough about you. Maybe she didn't trust you.

Secretiveness can do that. While I agree that she doesn't need to know everything about you, she does deserve to know some perimeters of the deal -- what you want to spend, where you want to live, what kind of home you want. It's a waste of everyone's time if you want a condo and she's showing you single-family homes with yards.

You say you found the homes online. That's only part of the agent's job to help you find a home, but she clearly isn't networking or looking on your behalf. My question is why not? Is a trust issue getting in the way?

You've found homes you were interested in. Why didn't you make an offer? What held you back?

This agent may have lost patience with you, but she could have easily avoided things getting ugly by simply sitting down with you, showing you comparables, absorption rates and explaining the current market conditions to you. Then you'd know whether or not you are ready to buy a particular home and what would be a reasonable offer. After all, you don't want to overpay, but at the same time, sellers aren't going to give their houses away, either, so you have to meet somewhere in the middle to strike a deal. That means compromise and believing in the comparables and the market analysis your agent gives you, not through scare tactics but by showing you real numbers, like how quickly houses are selling and for what percentage of list price to sales price.

What she can't do for you is overcome your fear of buying, especially in an environment of distrust. She's evidently said or done things to make you believe she is not working in your interest.

If you are a serious buyer, and not a tirekicker, you should have a clear goal of what you want, and be ready to act when you see it. You and your agent should be on the same page to help you get the house you want. She clearly wants you to have the house more than you want the house.

You say she is pushing you to get the house you say you like. How is she doing that? By whining? Or did she sit you down and show you absorption rates and comparables that indicate that a house like that isn't going to stay on the market long. If it's the former, I would ask her for numbers you can look at to help you decide what to offer. If it's the latter, she's already done all she could -- you just didn't believe her.

You've got a couple of choices. You can file a complaint with her broker, her local real estate association, and the state licensing board. You can contact her and try to improve your communication. You can write a letter firing her with cause (that she went behind your back to the mortgage broker, has been "ugly," and has done nothing to help you find a home, understand the market, or craft an offer that will be accepted).

Your last choice is to simply pull out of the market until you can get over your own fears, because what I'm reading between the lines is someone who doesn't trust anyone in the real estate transaction and that's making you scared to buy. You're either motivated to buy, or not. If you're motivated, you want to empower your agent to do everything possible to help you buy the home of your dreams. The fact that you were distrustful from the start indicates that you were never comfortable with your agent, or the idea of buying in the first place.

That's okay, but blaming your agent for not buying this home isn't going to make you feel better about it. What will make you feel better is some solid numbers -- something a good agent will supply you with so you are better informed and more confident about making an offer.

I promise you, with the right information, you can do this. And it's okay to be scared. Buying a home is a big deal, but it can also be the most exciting, wonderful thing you've ever done with your money.

Don't let this experience turn you off of buying a home or working with an agent. Next time, be more focused about what you want so the agent feels you're both on the same page. Then there won't be any need for secrets or privacy invasion.